“Jinghua, where are you now?” My mum’s flustered voice came out from the mobile.

“At dinner with my friends, why?

“Are you watching Channel 8 now?” My mum was really sounding very excited now.

“No, I already told you I am at dinner with my friends, how to watch TV siah?” -.-”

“Channel 8 showing people wedding leh, very pretty! You never watch, go watch now!”

“I am at a dinner OUTSIDE, how to watch TV lah!”

“Ok ok, later you go home watch, the weddings very nice!”

I have no idea which was more frustrating, the fact that my mother (A) did not seem to understand Chinese or (B) thought that Channel 8 shows would last 3 hours until I reach home, (C) was hinting for me to have my own wedding.

Who said they’d be with me come what may ?

Who said I would never hurt again ?

Was it you who said ?

Who said no one else could take my place ?

Who said i wouldn’t need a just in case ?

Who said there were happy times ahead ?

Was it you who said ?

You said you’d be with me night and day

You said you’d be with me come what may

You said we’d be happy all the time

It was you who said

By Cinephile

Well, as with all stories, all would be fine, except that man became ambitious, at least according to Mr Aristophanes. He rose up against the gods. And we all know what would result when such happened. The gods got angry but at the same time, Mount Olympia was filled with doubt and dilemma. Sure, the gods with their might and strength, could squash the puny little man without any effort, a bolt of lightning would do the trick just fine. But of cos, there were the consequences.

You see, man had something that the gods wanted; their adorations and sacrifices and worships. Without the puny little man’s sacrifices or worships, the gods, well, wouldn’t be gods anymore!

Yet, they could not suffer the insolences that man threw it in their faces. How could the son rise up against the father! Such arrogance!

So, Zeus, in a dramatic way to teach man a lesson in humility said, ” I have a plan which will humble their pride and improve their manners; men shall continue to exist, but I will cut them in two and then they will be diminished in strength and increased in numbers; this will have the advantage of making them more profitable to us. They shall walk upright on two legs, and if they continue insolent and will not be quiet, I will split them again and they shall hop about on a single leg.” (According to Aristophanes, Plato’s Symposium)

And thus, man now exist as 2 legged, 2 hand creature, no longer able to tumble. Half souled creatures that spend his lifetime seeking the other part of his soul to complete himself.

Thus, the term “soulmates” and the search for them.

Which lead us to the next possible question; how many of us have found their soul mate already? And how do we know that its the true one?

Perhaps, that is one of those mind boggling million dollar questions that we, puny little man will never be able to answer. Or perhaps there isn’t even  any answer to that question at all..

So, have you found your soul mate yet?

]]> http://blurfroggie.wordpress.com/2010/05/07/soulmates/feed/ 0 blurfroggie http://blurfroggie.wordpress.com/2010/04/06/my-self-worth-zilch/ http://blurfroggie.wordpress.com/2010/04/06/my-self-worth-zilch/#comments Tue, 06 Apr 2010 15:28:35 +0000 blurfroggie http://blurfroggie.wordpress.com/?p=1433 ]]> When you think about it, there are only so much stuff that one can consider to be life’s achievements; career, family, wealth, trophy spouses, social status, even love. The commonality between all these items are their superficiality, material status that has a super high chance of getting eroded over time. The time frame of erosion can be through a couple of generations or it can just be over your lifetime. At the end of the day, whatever that you owned right now has is not permanent, it is transient, it will never last forever. Like a handful of sand that you are holding, the little pieces of silicon will slip through your fingers slowly one piece at a time and surely but slowly, soon, you will have nothing in your hand.

So, why then are so many people concerned over such material possessions? And, the emphasis that we placed on these superficiality is so great that we are actually measuring each other’s worth through our possession. In most cases, I am certain that most are aware about the limited lifespan of such material belongings because it does not take a much wit to understand that nothing last forever. Therefore the question became, why have so many ignore or forget that whatever accomplishments or achievements that they have are not permanent, not gonna last forever?

The more I think about it, the more I am beginning to suspect that it could be a case of second best, i.e.: there isn’t any other things that we humans can use as yardsticks to measure our self worth and as such, superficiality got pushed up to the top of the list. And it ended up being so important that we have forgotten that its just a case of the second best, that we place such importance on it cos we do not have any choices in the first place at all.

This is so sad, too pathetic. We are actually living out our limited existence, wasting our chance in our short lifespan chasing superficiality, a notion that we place so much emphasis on because we do not have any other choices to use as a measurement for our self worth.

And the next question shall be, what then should be a proper measurement of our worthiness? How do we decide who is more achieved and who is totally worthless?

However I think about this question, I always came back to the same answer. The only tangible measurement of worth is only through our material belongings.

Sigh.. This therefore conclude my self worth. Since I have such limited and pathetic superficial belongings, it will logically imply that I am not a worthy person. At the end of the day, I am so worth nothing. Zilch.

]]> http://blurfroggie.wordpress.com/2010/04/06/my-self-worth-zilch/feed/ 0 blurfroggie http://blurfroggie.wordpress.com/2010/04/01/writers-block-again-fuck/ http://blurfroggie.wordpress.com/2010/04/01/writers-block-again-fuck/#comments Thu, 01 Apr 2010 15:34:28 +0000 blurfroggie http://blurfroggie.wordpress.com/?p=1440 ]]> This empty white writing page was opened on my desktop for the entire day. I wanna write something but for the life of me, I did not know what to write. There is just nothing in my mind to justify putting on this white cyber writing pad.

Ziltch.

I am quite uncomfortable with this cos I really wanna write something, I have so much to say but probably its precisely cos there are too many stuff jammed up tight in my puny little brain that I simply have no idea how to bring forth all the items and portray them accurately into a singular blog entry here. Too much rubbish in one’s brain really screws up one’s ability to coherently express oneself.

Its very very frustrating to say the least.

I wanna write something!

Someone give me a subject matter to start on so that I can fill this page satisfactorily with enough rubbish for thoughts!

Gawd….

Help.

To summarize, I suck. In anything I do. Simplicity at its best: I suck, period.

The more I think about it, the more it began to dawn upon me that I have never excel in anything that I venture into before.

School. Work. Personal relationships. Christ, I even suck in the games that I played!

This momentary self realization just get so much emphasized upon when I am alone and on bed thinking about the days of my life.

Thus, one can’t help wondering, why on earth was I given the chance to come into this world? When it seems that nothing I did is ever right, when I did not made any contribution at all? Why send another feeder or parasite to this world when its already been overpopulated? God, if there ever was one, already knows how strained it already is at the current situation, too much feeders, too little resources.

Sigh.. I am feeling like the cockroach that landed on my sister arm in the mid of the night, 2 nights ago. One that deserved to be exterminated on the spot, flattened, squashed and decapitated without a second thought. Another pest that only provides irritants and misery to everyone and anyone.

Anyway, that cockroach that woke my entire family up in the middle of the night at 3am was finally squashed by my father.

Good riddance.

When we wake up everyday from our warm beds, the very first thoughts that cross our minds will the challenges that we will be facing and the journey that we will be taking onward for the day till the moment we lie back into the same bed for a good night rest.

Well, of cos, I am not talking about the more mundane stuff such as needing to take the first dump of the day, for that is a different story altogether. Heh.

So, back to the topic. What then spurs us, or propel us to even pull ourselves from our bed?

Hope. For without hope, there will be no motivation to even wake up or even push ourselves up from the bed. I mean, what for do I want to wake up and go about the day if I did not harbour any minute crumble of hope that my day shall be better than the previous? The simple answer will be that I hope that I will have a better day than yesterday, one that will further enrich my life journey.

It was said that Pandora unwittingly shut hope out when she closed her magical box momentarily too early after letting out all the anguish in the world that we are seeing today.

I do not believe this to be true. We see manifestations of hope everyday. In a mother’s eyes, from an old woman’s prayers in the church, a dog’s wagging of its tail when she is greeting her master home, a child’s smile at the candy shop, a girl’s laughters from her lover’s tease..

Why is it then I can’t seem to find myself hoping for a better day then? Why is it that every morning, I felt like closing my eyes again and shutting myself out from the reality? Why do I keep wishing that I can turn my head from the world every morning when I wake up?

Am I thus losing hope?

Perhaps, I have already lost it.

Will I find it back then?

I hope I do.

Basically, I can do what I want, live my life according to my own schedule. I do not have to be fixed into a tight notched 8-5 schedule. I can plan my life according to how I like it, when I like it.

Of cos, this deal is not permanent. I still have so much responsibilities and obligations that I need to fulfil. Life is always about trade off. And I am obliged to trade my freedom for money. That very thought sucks to the max. Besides this, Singapore is such a superficial society that whenever you mentioned that you are socially disengaged to anyone, they just go blur and looked at you with such a sad face that one can’t help being disgusted by oneself. My self worth gets depreciated daily to the point that I am waking up everyday thinking if I would even find a job ever.

I never regretted my decision to quit my job, I know I really need to move on. I mean, why stay on when I could not even conjured up an image in my little brain of myself in the same place 1 year down the road. Read, its only just 1 year, not 5 years. Hell, I could not even imagine myself in the same place 1 more month down the road. I mean, my employers were good to me but I feel stagnant, not developed, not growing, just working every day for the sake of working is crazily crazily, well, crazy..!

Tell me, how can I even survive there for 1 more year? I think I will just end up in an asylum!

Jobs, freedom, jobs, freedom.. Sigh.. I want freedom but I need a job. My worth is being quantified by my tangible value and at the moment, its zilch, I am worthless, a parasite piece of shit that does not provide any contribution to anyone.

Ironically, I am happy finally when I am free to do what I want but yet, my happiness is being eroded slowly and cruelly everyday..

I feel like a lab rat in a plastic labyrinth, the end destination is to a death trap with cheese, and I am just taking a long route there, enjoying myself on route to my destination, the cheese always on my mind but so is the death trap.

Sigh..



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