It rained today

damn_this_rain_by_mineylloyd.jpg

It rained today.

The fresh smell of rain was permeating everywhere. It sure smelled wonderful.

As I was getting ready to get out of office, everyone was also getting ready to leave. Seeing my colleagues with destinations to go, it seem that I was the only one who have no idea where I should be going. I couldn’t help but think about where I should go next and what I should do next.

Having been dangled on a thread and walking on a tight rope for such a long time, it seems like I have already forgotten how to walk on solid ground, like I have forgotten how to be totally independent and free from the bonds that are tying me down. A twisted side of me is still pushing me backward; on the one hand I yearned to be go back and yet the rational side of me want to move forward.

Frankly speaking, I am caught in a limbo, not knowing what and how I should move on. Perhaps I have already forgotten how to move on, living each day as it is and living each day as I could.

I am quite afraid of the night when I would be lying on the bed, thinking about what happened, asking myself if its my fault, blaming myself for all that ever happened, wondering if I can still salvage the situation and wondering if anyone would even care. Then I would catch myself and try to go to sleep before ending up staring at the roof of my bed and then starting to blame myself for what happened again. Its gotten to the point that I am quite afraid of being alone in bed now, I do not want to go to work with swollen eyes again.

In the end, I concluded that its all up to me. Like what I was told, “Its my choice.” And perhaps I should just think through everything and take things a step at a time. Perhaps its really now time to move on.

Gawd, I hate that word!

 

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~ by blurfroggie on August 28, 2007.

5 Responses to “It rained today”

  1. Life goes on, you am moving on…..yeah?

  2. Hey Tommy welcome back!

    Life goes on of course but moving on can be quite tough especially sometimes..

  3. yeah, i understand. saying is easier than done. diverting your mind to other things will work!

    take care.

  4. hey, are you alright?

  5. Yep, I am alright 🙂 Don worry about me, just a little tired thats all

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