Filled with thoughts, without speech

Its one thing to feel what happened and another thing to hear what you know from another’s mouth.

I spent an entire day with Jasmine today and kinda had a heart to heart talk with her over what happened. She shared her experiences with me, seems like she had also gone through quite a lot in her relationships too. Sigh.. why is it that no one is able to be free of such heartaches? Why are we all so controlled by affairs of the heart? I am not able to conclude who has a worse experience; to have your love forcefully snatched away from you, or to be in love with someone who did not want to accept you without telling you why.

I feel really strange now, the aching in my heart is still there, its always been there and yet there is like an eerie calm that had settled over the ache, dulling the sharpness into a numbness.

The only conclusion that I can draw from our experiences is that all men are selfish. Everything that they do are done for their own benefit. Women are givers while men are takers. I did not think I will come to such a conclusion but time and again, I am pushed into a corner faced with this fact.

The whirlwind has gone away, leaving behind silent tears with a strong dread of loneliness.

A kind of aching that no one will ever understand.

A kind of emotional pain that is to be able to manifest itself physically.

I am never going to give in to such again, I do not think I am strong enough to take this kind of emotional roller coaster ride again. Lost and hurting everyday but not daring to show it.

And the one whom I have given so much of myself does not even care.

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~ by blurfroggie on July 27, 2008.

2 Responses to “Filled with thoughts, without speech”

  1. Oei. done make me label all women as bitches hor. even men have their fair share of lousy relationship, if u think men have it better then u are wrong. try asking your guy friend about their lousy relationship and u may be surprise that both gender plays their part in broken relationship.

    talking about selfish, we are all selfish people. u, me and everyone else. you love someone with everything you got, gave him everything with the sole purpose of making him love you back. and when he does not u turned bitter. if that is not selfish then what is it? u expected something back from your sacrifice, that is selfishness.

    even acts of charity can be selfish. cos if you feel that by doing charity you would be happier, that is selfishness.

    And yes. i am a selfish guy, i know that. thanks you very much. I ain’t a saint.

  2. “I am never going to give in to such again, I do not think I am strong enough to take this kind of emotional roller coaster ride again. Lost and hurting everyday but not daring to show it.

    And the one whom I have given so much of myself does not even care.”

    very familiar feeling. you will get over it.

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