I am sitting in front of my PC, holding a can of beer in my hand, slightly dazed from the lack of sleep and starting at my monitor. Its been quite a while since I put my feelings down on this white virtual memo pad.

I am tipsy, sleepy, tired and yet restless. I need to do something outrageous. I need to hear the familar roaring in my ears when I am daring myself and pushing my limits.

For the past few months, I had not been able to concentrate on anything else. My boss had been very much worned down with the lackluster performance in work and lack of control over my emotions. I flared up over the slightest thing and would take it out on him. Yesh, I took out my anger on my boss, as much unbelievable as that sounds.

I desperately need to push my boundaries. I need to get loud and dare myself again.

Its kinda scary. Cos the last time I felt like this, I got myself in some very hot soup and got burned terribly.

I wanna get drunk, I wanna get high, I wanna jump and shout at the top of my lungs and made everyone turned around and look at me, staring at me.

And then I wanna slap them across the face.

I imagined myself standing in the middle of a large dance floor, surrounded by sweaty bodies and I am seeing the animalistic side of them all. I want them all to touch me, to feel me, to hug me and cry for me.

Maybe there is more meaning in life if I will just end it.


~ by blurfroggie on January 10, 2009.

2 Responses to “Restlessness”

  1. You ok bo?

  2. I am bored.

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