Possible asylum get away

The days dragged on into weeks, the into months, and before I knew it, I am already out of job for 2 months already. The experience has been great, contrary to what most people think, its not really that scary to be out of job. Sure, there is no income, sure, you have to live frugally and see your cash outflow without any balancing inflow into your bank account, but there are always more tangible benefits to this part of the deal.

Basically, I can do what I want, live my life according to my own schedule. I do not have to be fixed into a tight notched 8-5 schedule. I can plan my life according to how I like it, when I like it.

Of cos, this deal is not permanent. I still have so much responsibilities and obligations that I need to fulfil. Life is always about trade off. And I am obliged to trade my freedom for money. That very thought sucks to the max. Besides this, Singapore is such a superficial society that whenever you mentioned that you are socially disengaged to anyone, they just go blur and looked at you with such a sad face that one can’t help being disgusted by oneself. My self worth gets depreciated daily to the point that I am waking up everyday thinking if I would even find a job ever.

I never regretted my decision to quit my job, I know I really need to move on. I mean, why stay on when I could not even conjured up an image in my little brain of myself in the same place 1 year down the road. Read, its only just 1 year, not 5 years. Hell, I could not even imagine myself in the same place 1 more month down the road. I mean, my employers were good to me but I feel stagnant, not developed, not growing, just working every day for the sake of working is crazily crazily, well, crazy..!

Tell me, how can I even survive there for 1 more year? I think I will just end up in an asylum!

Jobs, freedom, jobs, freedom.. Sigh.. I want freedom but I need a job. My worth is being quantified by my tangible value and at the moment, its zilch, I am worthless, a parasite piece of shit that does not provide any contribution to anyone.

Ironically, I am happy finally when I am free to do what I want but yet, my happiness is being eroded slowly and cruelly everyday..

I feel like a lab rat in a plastic labyrinth, the end destination is to a death trap with cheese, and I am just taking a long route there, enjoying myself on route to my destination, the cheese always on my mind but so is the death trap.

Sigh..



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~ by blurfroggie on March 9, 2010.

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